I Gotta Know

Who first made you believe that you couldn’t be who you want to be? How many times have you been knocked to your knees? What made you the type that has to beg and plead? If you can’t figure this out there are plenty ready to feed you a belief.

Why can’t you speak your mind or look anyone in the eye? When did you start to forget how to cry? Where is it you were supposed to be in your life? If you’re ever lost take a deep breath and take in the sky.

Have you ever taken a moment to decide who you are? Isn’t there some way you can make it that far? Don’t you remember when you set that bar? You put it so high that you have a scar.

Who else are you supposed to be if not you? Why are you so sure that this is the best you can do? Have you forgotten how high and how far you flew? It’s a beautiful journey to find the truth.

We Wonder What Went Wrong

You fill your bowls
And I’ll sing my song
We turn every page
And we wonder what went wrong

You play your games
And I’ll ramble on
Fall into cold beds
And we wonder what went wrong

Play for the spoils
Beg to be strong
Ignore all compassion
And we wonder what went wrong

Argue with the facts
Or chase the hope along
Never see it all
And we wonder what went wrong

Hide from all that’s coming
Or face it cool and calm
Unanswered explanations
And we wonder what went wrong

Drown among the poison
Rise above what’s gone
We’re all controlled by something
And we wonder what went wrong

You Came Along

Staring at a screen all summer long

Tunin’ out the children carrying on

Say my prayers and hum a song

Preoccupy myself ’til the day is gone

Too tired to deal if shit went wrong

And I knew long ago I’d never belong

I’d sit there and wish that I could be gone

But that was before you came along

I know I have bad days

But we’ve both changed our ways

Yet some things have remained the same

No matter what, we got through the pain

I don’t give a damn what anyone has to say

One day I will bear your name

Between us has always been real as rain

I know for a fact that will never change

It’s about where we’re going and where we’ve been

I had no idea what would come of us then

But I’d sure as hell choose us over and over again

I never knew what it was like to have a true friend

Someone who’s love for me has no end

It’s always come so easy, never had to pretend

It’s like it was destined from who knows when

Didn’t take me long to see you were like no other men

To be with you forever is what I intend

Paint

I just want to be the paint
Spread me across the walls
Or canvas or nails
Then let me dry
So I can be dry
And feel nothing
Have no thoughts
See no flaws
Paint over me when I fade
Forget me
Leave me behind
Move on and choose a new shade
Paint over me
Leave me there dried
And faded
Maybe even peeling away
Or scrub me away
If that’s what it takes
As long as I’m paint
I won’t care either way

I wish I was dry paint on the wall
So I wouldn’t have to feel at all

Aware

I can feel my ears
They can feel the air
Embracing the skin cells
Of their outer existence

I can feel my hair
Every individual
microscopic
follicle
As they mingle on my pillow

I can feel my toes
Each lonesome piggy
I feel their pain from the long
hard
day
And I realize how blessed I am
To have these aching piggies

I can feel my eyes
Not with my mind, but with my fingers
Every texture felt as the finger, not the eye
Each lash, skin cell, and life debris distinct
It is weird to think of this as a “thing”
Rather than “just me”

I can feel my infrastructure
Every joint, muscle, nerve, blood cell
I can feel the intricate process of existence
As I lie right here

originally written 1.27.15 at 1:20 a.m.

Stand

Knowledge is power
Yet ignorance is bliss
What side are you on
In all of this?
Do you do what you’re told
And think what they want?
Blindly ingest their poisons;
Believe their concoctions.
Stand in line.
Never ceasing.
Never complete.
Or, perhaps you are more like me.
Do you believe that free should mean free?
Dream of acceptance,
Pray for peace,
Question everything,
And refuse to kneel.
Do not bother trying
To be something you aren’t.
Soak in reality.
Revel in grit.
Don’t buy the propaganda.
Love the Earth
And sow her verdure.
Walk your own twisted path.
Likewise, respect the paths lead by others.
Use what you have
To get what you want.
Appreciate differences
And value education.
Never stop learning, in fact!
Do your own research.
Believe in yourself;
Know who you are,
Be firm in your convictions,
Treat people with kindness and respect.
But do not waste time
On fake people.
People whose lives depend on victory.
To them, every conversation
Is a battle.
Each opinion – a fact.
Other views – incorrect by default.
Alternate routes – not worthy.
People whose eyes convey
The deep desire for groveling,
And praise, and kisses at their feet.
The crock of shit between their ears –
An abandonment of evolution.
Be the person who won’t allow it.
Forebode the flocking.
Go against the grain
To see the most change.
Follow your heart.
Be who you are
And care for those you love.
Debate and discuss,
Do not simply inform.
Live and let live
And live by your word.
Have confidence,
Keep moving,
Improve and build.
Give it your best,
Give it your all.
Do not allow the knowledge
And power to slip by.
Insist not to be stifled.
Never forfeit your voice.
Smile and adore,
But never ignore the truth.
Ignorance may be bliss,
But knowledge is absolute.

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Slasher Sundays: Final Girl (2015)

Netfilix Rating: 3.5 stars

My Rating: 4.5

Plot: Final Girl begins with a man offering a newly orphaned little girl, Veronica, a chance to do a “special” job for him. He mentions that his wife and daughter were murdered by a bad man, and Veronica accepts his offer. We then see that same man, William (played by American Horror story actor, Wes Bently), training the now teen or young adult Veronica (Abigail Breslin) for various types of torture and combat situations. He is grooming her to be unbeatable. After completing her last training session, Veronica and William decide the time is right to put their plan into action. That evening, Veronica scopes out her targets at a diner and even strikes up a conversation with one of their girlfriends after they leave, gaining valuable information about the dynamics of their group. To the unsuspecting eye, the villains appear to be prim and proper 50’s teenie-boppers on the surface, but the truth is they are pure psychopaths with no compassion and a thirst for violence. Unwittingly, Jameson, the alpha-psycho, chooses sweet-eyed and, more importantly to him, blonde haired Veronica to be the next party guest for the group to hunt down. She agrees to accompany the “gentlemen” to their party in the woods with a smile. Little do they know, this particular girl is prepared to be the last girl to ever be lured to the creepy woods and hunted down by these monsters. With the help of the training she received from her mentor, William, and some sort of hallucination inducing substance secretly embedded in the booze she shared with the unsuspecting boys, Veronica takes down this pack of entitled maniacs one by one. The first three boys were easy to drop because they were too lost in their hallucinations to protect themselves, but now the final girl must face the final boy, who apparently didn’t drink any of the roofied liquor. While they face off, Jameson brags that he’s killed 21 blondes and suggests he and Veronica team up, since she is clearly good at killing, but of course she doesn’t fall for it. Instead, she chokes Jameson out, just as William taught her, and forced the booze down his throat. Later, Jameson comes to and finds himself with a noose around his neck and, shortly after pleading Veronica to spare him and unconvincingly promising not to kill anymore, the drugs kick in and he sees his previous victims coming at him from the woods, which causes him to freak out and fall off the stump that was keeping him alive. Jameson hangs to death and William emerges from the woods and he and Veronica celebrate with pancakes at the very diner Jameson once hand-picked his victims from.

My Thoughts: Batman, meets Donnie Darko, meets… I don’t even know! It’s disturbing, cerebral, gory, witty, heart-pounding, and quite bizarre. I like to be pleasantly surprised by a movie I expected to just be okay, or predictable, and this was one of those movies. It had the right combination of action, violence, emotion, and humor in my opinion. The acting was intense and entertaining and I found myself wanting to be a bad-ass revenge assassin like Breslin’s character. There was an underlying romantic vibe between William and Veronica, which I usually don’t care for in horror and thriller flicks, but it was subtle enough for me to tolerate, yet obvious enough for chick-flick enthusiasts to appreciate. The hallucination scenes were excellent! Movies with hallucinations usually have to work pretty hard to impress me, so that’s saying a lot. Each successive hallucination got both more confusing and more entertaining. The premise of seemingly charming gentlemen being twisted murderers was executed in a way that was, thankfully, far from monotonous. I would recommend this if you’re looking for a horror movie that will leave you feeling satisfied rather than afraid to sleep.

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Slasher Sundays : Dark Was the Night (2014)

Netflix Rating: 2 stars

My Rating: 

Plot: Paul, a recently separated sheriff, and his deputy, Donny, who transferred from New York after some untold tragedy, are investigating a string of missing farm animals in the Mayberry-esque town of Maiden Woods. Preoccupied by his own drama, which not only involves a pending divorce but also the death of one of his two sons, Sheriff Paul tries his damnedest to deny that the disturbance could be caused by some fabled monster that kills in the treetops. Following a night of paranoia with his son, who is understandably traumatized by his brother’s death, Paul wakes to find massive three pronged hoof tracks leading from his backyard, through the town, and into the surrounding forest. Of course, the townsfolk began to whisper and retell Shawnee legends about a beast who slaughtered its prey among the branches of thick forests. A winter storm approaches the Maiden Woods and the disappearances escalate to slaughtered deer and even hunters. Paul and Donny each do a bit of research and both came to the conclusion that they might be dealing with something peculiar. They also theorized that the increase in deforestation may have played a part in the thing’s sudden activity.

Meanwhile, most of the residents of Maiden Woods evacuated because of the impending blizzard (and probably because of the devilish creature roaming in the forest). While the storm is in full swing the monster breaks into Paul’s house, so he and his son barricade themselves in the bathroom and radios for Donny, who shows up in the nick of time – sirens blaring of course – and scared the ferocious thing away. At this point, Sheriff Paul decides it’s time to stop pussy-footing and tell the town what they could be dealing with. He and his deputy rounded up the locals who didn’t evacuate (for a little snow!) at the church. Naturally, the monster tracks them down and a show down ensues among the pews. When it seemed like there was no hope, they managed to take down what ends up looking like a “Demonic Mutant Ninja Turtle.” While they examine it on the floor, Donny mentions that when he shot it he blasted off a chunk of its shoulder. The one they were looking had both shoulders in-tact. The screen cuts to a shot of the church showing at least half a dozen more DMNTs (Demonic Mutant Ninja Turtles) climbing on it and ends by zooming into the roaring mouth of the hoofed demon turtle.

My Thoughts: This could have been a lot better. Plain and simple. I won’t say it wasn’t scary, because it was. The fact that this took place in a small town where snow, trees, and a general backwoods style are all abundant, just like my own home town, (and Wisconsin in general now that I think about it) made it feel familiar and realistic for me. I could vividly feel the terror of there being “something in the woods” because I’ve walked in a dark and snowy forest and thought I heard something. I would be terrified if it turned out to actually be there. It did its job when it comes to instilling fear. I also felt like the cast did a fantastic jobs to committing to whichever emotion their character was experiencing. The nod to the consequences of deforestation was clever, but insignificant to the storyline. What disappointed me was the way they told the story, or failed to. They never actually reach any conclusion about what the creature in the so called “creature feature” is. They throw out a few ideas, but none of them seemed to be cohesive. I thought the whole movie that the monster was going to be some hairy goat-like monster that could jump around in the trees, but it turned out to be more reptile looking than anything. Oh, and why did they assume there was only one? They seem to think it just sprouted or something. It’s a good movie if you feel like being scared and also don’t want to put much thought into it.

Worlds

There is nothing more intriguing
Than the thought of other worlds
But it shouldn’t fascinate us so
We see proof every day
That different worlds exist
In fact, we each have our own
And they see the same stars
But they aren’t the same color

The accomplishments a world does boast
May appear minute to one world
Yet grand to the next
And nothing is more difficult
Than to see the same stars
Except, from another world
Where you can see what they see
When they look at your world

To show you your world
From the surface of mine
Would reveal a hellish paradise
That my world cannot resist
The atmosphere of your world
Is magnetic to mine
Let’s bring the surfaces closer
Until our worlds perfectly collide

 

 

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Slasher Sundays: The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

Netflix Rating: 2 stars

My Rating: 

Plot: Mia, a PhD student apparently studying Alzheimer’s, made an arrangement with Sarah Logan to film her mother, Deborah, for her thesis in exchange for much-needed compensation. To Deborah’s disdain, Mia and her camera plan to document every moment of the deterioration of Deborah’s mind. A family friend and apparent handyman, Harris, is also opposed to the documentary, but Sarah convinces her mother and Harris that if they don’t get the money from this project Deborah will not be able to pay any more of her bills and will end up in a nursing home. Soon after the cameras start rolling, peculiar occurrences are caught on camera including Deborah some how levitating onto a counter-top in the blink of an eye and a few psychotic episodes where Deborah seems to be desperately digging for something. She also is found naked in the attic operating the switchboard she ran to support Sarah as a child, all the while speaking French that translated to something about snakes and sacrifice. Deborah’s doctor assures Sarah (and Mia and her crew) that what is happening to Deborah is not unusual for aggressive Alzheimer’s, but after being attacked during one of Deborah’s “episodes” Gavin can’t take it anymore and leaves Mia with one cameraman, Luis. Deborah’s breakdowns become more and more dangerous as she attempts to harm herself and others, so she is hospitalized. Meanwhile, Sarah, Mia, and Luis piece together the information Deborah provides while in her confused rages and do some research. What they discover is that there was an evil doctor in the neighborhood when Sarah was a girl that was brutally murdering and consuming young girls as part of some Satanic ritual. They begin to fear what they originally thought was impossible, Deborah could be possessed by the Satanic doctor and trying to carry out his plan to find a fifth victim, which Sarah discovers was supposed to be her before here mother and Harris killed him. When the bunch arrive at the hospital they are informed that Deborah attempted to kidnap a little girl from the cancer wing, and somehow she gets out a second time and succeeds in taking the little girl to the very place the doctor committed the first four murders decades earlier. From here things just get more… well, weird. The lights are apparently unreliable, so a lot of the scenes are shown in flashes, one such flash shows Deborah with her jaw unhinged like a snake attempting to eat the little cancer patient. The girl is eventually rescued and the demon seems to have been exercised, but it ends with the little girl a year later at her birthday with a full head of hair and an ominous grin.

My Thoughts: Okay, it was a pretty freaky movie, but I felt underwhelmed. The idea that this woman was possessed by a man she killed to protect her daughter was a decent story line. The problem was parts just didn’t tie in well. The way Deborah gets the little girl to the original scene of the murders wasn’t clear, so as far as I could tell they walked. And the scene where Deborah is attempting to eat the girl isn’t even scary, it’s just awkward. The actress that plays Deborah, Jill Larson, was excellent though! In the beginning she is a well put together elderly woman who is ashamed of her affliction and by the end she is an emaciated victim of possession. The acts of rage and violence she portrayed in between were the most frightening part of the movie, and they weren’t any more frightening than what dementia can actually look like. In my opinion this movie could have used more gore and more paranormal happenings. I’d even go for more jump-scares, because at least they get my adrenaline going. I personally wasn’t scared enough and I aim to be terrified. If you find you scare easily, then maybe this will do the trick for you.

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