I Gotta Know

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Who first made you believe that you couldn’t be who you want to be? How many times have you been knocked to your knees? What made you the type that has to beg and plead? If you can’t figure this out there are plenty ready to feed you a belief.

Why can’t you speak your mind or look anyone in the eye? When did you start to forget how to cry? Where is it you were supposed to be in your life? If you’re ever lost take a deep breath and take in the sky.

Have you ever taken a moment to decide who you are? Isn’t there some way you can make it that far? Don’t you remember when you set that bar? You put it so high that you have a scar.


Who else are you supposed to be if not you? Why are you so sure that this is the best you can do? Have you forgotten how high and how far you flew? It’s a beautiful journey to find the truth.

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We Wonder What Went Wrong

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You fill your bowls
And I’ll sing my song
We turn every page
And we wonder what went wrong

You play your games
And I’ll ramble on
Fall into cold beds
And we wonder what went wrong

Play for the spoils
Beg to be strong
Ignore all compassion
And we wonder what went wrong

Argue with the facts
Or chase the hope along
Never see it all
And we wonder what went wrong

Hide from all that’s coming
Or face it cool and calm
Unanswered explanations
And we wonder what went wrong

Drown among the poison
Rise above what’s gone
We’re all controlled by something
And we wonder what went wrong

You Came Along

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Staring at a screen all summer long

Tunin’ out the children carrying on

Say my prayers and hum a song

Preoccupy myself ’til the day is gone

Too tired to deal if shit went wrong

And I knew long ago I’d never belong

I’d sit there and wish that I could be gone

But that was before you came along

I know I have bad days

But we’ve both changed our ways

Yet some things have remained the same

No matter what, we got through the pain

I don’t give a damn what anyone has to say

One day I will bear your name

Between us has always been real as rain

I know for a fact that will never change

It’s about where we’re going and where we’ve been

I had no idea what would come of us then

But I’d sure as hell choose us over and over again

I never knew what it was like to have a true friend

Someone who’s love for me has no end

It’s always come so easy, never had to pretend

It’s like it was destined from who knows when

Didn’t take me long to see you were like no other men

To be with you forever is what I intend

Paint

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I just want to be the paint
Spread me across the walls
Or canvas or nails
Then let me dry
So I can be dry
And feel nothing
Have no thoughts
See no flaws
Paint over me when I fade
Forget me
Leave me behind
Move on and choose a new shade
Paint over me
Leave me there dried
And faded
Maybe even peeling away
Or scrub me away
If that’s what it takes
As long as I’m paint
I won’t care either way

I wish I was dry paint on the wall
So I wouldn’t have to feel at all

Aware

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I can feel my ears
They can feel the air
Embracing the skin cells
Of their outer existence

I can feel my hair
Every individual
microscopic
follicle
As they mingle on my pillow

I can feel my toes
Each lonesome piggy
I feel their pain from the long
hard
day
And I realize how blessed I am
To have these aching piggies

I can feel my eyes
Not with my mind, but with my fingers
Every texture felt as the finger, not the eye
Each lash, skin cell, and life debris distinct
It is weird to think of this as a “thing”
Rather than “just me”

I can feel my infrastructure
Every joint, muscle, nerve, blood cell
I can feel the intricate process of existence
As I lie right here

originally written 1.27.15 at 1:20 a.m.

Stand

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Knowledge is power
Yet ignorance is bliss
What side are you on
In all of this?
Do you do what you’re told
And think what they want?
Blindly ingest their poisons;
Believe their concoctions.
Stand in line.
Never ceasing.
Never complete.
Or, perhaps you are more like me.
Do you believe that free should mean free?
Dream of acceptance,
Pray for peace,
Question everything,
And refuse to kneel.
Do not bother trying
To be something you aren’t.
Soak in reality.
Revel in grit.
Don’t buy the propaganda.
Love the Earth
And sow her verdure.
Walk your own twisted path.
Likewise, respect the paths lead by others.
Use what you have
To get what you want.
Appreciate differences
And value education.
Never stop learning, in fact!
Do your own research.
Believe in yourself;
Know who you are,
Be firm in your convictions,
Treat people with kindness and respect.
But do not waste time
On fake people.
People whose lives depend on victory.
To them, every conversation
Is a battle.
Each opinion – a fact.
Other views – incorrect by default.
Alternate routes – not worthy.
People whose eyes convey
The deep desire for groveling,
And praise, and kisses at their feet.
The crock of shit between their ears –
An abandonment of evolution.
Be the person who won’t allow it.
Forebode the flocking.
Go against the grain
To see the most change.
Follow your heart.
Be who you are
And care for those you love.
Debate and discuss,
Do not simply inform.
Live and let live
And live by your word.
Have confidence,
Keep moving,
Improve and build.
Give it your best,
Give it your all.
Do not allow the knowledge
And power to slip by.
Insist not to be stifled.
Never forfeit your voice.
Smile and adore,
But never ignore the truth.
Ignorance may be bliss,
But knowledge is absolute.

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Slasher Sundays: Final Girl (2015)

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Netfilix Rating: 3.5 stars

My Rating: 4.5 hand-with-knife-thhand-with-knife-thhand-with-knife-thhand-with-knife-thhand-with-knife-th 3

Plot: Final Girl begins with a man offering a newly orphaned little girl, Veronica, a chance to do a “special” job for him. He mentions that his wife and daughter were murdered by a bad man, and Veronica accepts his offer. We then see that same man, William (played by American Horror story actor, Wes Bently), training the now teen or young adult Veronica (Abigail Breslin) for various types of torture and combat situations. He is grooming her to be unbeatable. After completing her last training session, Veronica and William decide the time is right to put their plan into action. That evening, Veronica scopes out her targets at a diner and even strikes up a conversation with one of their girlfriends after they leave, gaining valuable information about the dynamics of their group. To the unsuspecting eye, the villains appear to be prim and proper 50’s teenie-boppers on the surface, but the truth is they are pure psychopaths with no compassion and a thirst for violence. Unwittingly, Jameson, the alpha-psycho, chooses sweet-eyed and, more importantly to him, blonde haired Veronica to be the next party guest for the group to hunt down. She agrees to accompany the “gentlemen” to their party in the woods with a smile. Little do they know, this particular girl is prepared to be the last girl to ever be lured to the creepy woods and hunted down by these monsters. With the help of the training she received from her mentor, William, and some sort of hallucination inducing substance secretly embedded in the booze she shared with the unsuspecting boys, Veronica takes down this pack of entitled maniacs one by one. The first three boys were easy to drop because they were too lost in their hallucinations to protect themselves, but now the final girl must face the final boy, who apparently didn’t drink any of the roofied liquor. While they face off, Jameson brags that he’s killed 21 blondes and suggests he and Veronica team up, since she is clearly good at killing, but of course she doesn’t fall for it. Instead, she chokes Jameson out, just as William taught her, and forced the booze down his throat. Later, Jameson comes to and finds himself with a noose around his neck and, shortly after pleading Veronica to spare him and unconvincingly promising not to kill anymore, the drugs kick in and he sees his previous victims coming at him from the woods, which causes him to freak out and fall off the stump that was keeping him alive. Jameson hangs to death and William emerges from the woods and he and Veronica celebrate with pancakes at the very diner Jameson once hand-picked his victims from.

My Thoughts: Batman, meets Donnie Darko, meets… I don’t even know! It’s disturbing, cerebral, gory, witty, heart-pounding, and quite bizarre. I like to be pleasantly surprised by a movie I expected to just be okay, or predictable, and this was one of those movies. It had the right combination of action, violence, emotion, and humor in my opinion. The acting was intense and entertaining and I found myself wanting to be a bad-ass revenge assassin like Breslin’s character. There was an underlying romantic vibe between William and Veronica, which I usually don’t care for in horror and thriller flicks, but it was subtle enough for me to tolerate, yet obvious enough for chick-flick enthusiasts to appreciate. The hallucination scenes were excellent! Movies with hallucinations usually have to work pretty hard to impress me, so that’s saying a lot. Each successive hallucination got both more confusing and more entertaining. The premise of seemingly charming gentlemen being twisted murderers was executed in a way that was, thankfully, far from monotonous. I would recommend this if you’re looking for a horror movie that will leave you feeling satisfied rather than afraid to sleep.

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